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So, the day started off at 10.30 am when i met Jiayu at Bedok Int to go Cathay Cineleisure Orchard to buy her boyfriend's present. Oh the day before, I already asked Halifah along and he told me to contact his sister to get him. So we went to Cathay there and she bought him Sticky's love potion. And i bought Halifah Famous Amos Cookies in a little heart shape box with a ribbon on it since he loved cookies. I wanted to bake but got no time so just buy. And it was accompanied by a letter which i put alot of thought into during writing. I dunno, i like re-write the letter more than 3 times. Me and Jiayu were so happy then. And when we finished, i decided to ask Halifah's sister if he had woken up. Then she say she was at work and the only way to wake him up was to go to his house since no one else was at home. I never even thought of going to his house. And i think his sister hates me cause she never put any smiley faces and the way she type is like very... She dont want to text me like that.
So ya, after much consideration and opinion from Jiayu, we decided to go to his house since Haeyoun is still getting ready and she havent reply Jiayu's sms. So we went to his house. I wanted to ask her to wait downstairs actually so in case he scold me anything she wont have to see it and i wont feel embarrassed. But then, at last i ask her to go up with me cause she already decided to come with me so must as well go up along with me. So when we went up, he was sleeping inside that room which i usually webcam with him last time when we were still together. He didnt close his window so i took that dangling toy thingy on the window and go tickle his leg with that thing and he moved, he eventually woke up later after some time. He was actually rather easy to be woken up. Then when he wake up, i think he was shocked to see me then ask him what was i doing there. I was too scared to say anything cause it reminds me of the other time when i went to his void deck and waited for him to wake up from his sleep. His expression was the same as that day, no smiles. But i managed to ask him to call his sister since she ask me to call her when i reach his house but he say no need. Than like, he dunno why i come there. Then he still ask me why i go ask his sister when he's the one who asked me to do so. he even forget about our Sentosa thingy. Then since i was too scared to say anything already and i dunno why i felt so angry or hurt or sad by dunno what that i just passed him the cookies and letter and went off. than Jiayu went to ask him if he going Sentosa or not than what other things. I was soo embarrassed already. Obviously if he acted that way, he dont even want to go out with me and i pulled her away. I cannot control myself so i broke down. Jiayu told him to come down if he wanted to come but he didnt. Ya, we didnt sat at his void deck ah, we sat somewhere else.
After that, my mood changed already. I wasnt looking forward to going to Sentosa already. Before going to his house, i was hungry and after that, im not already and throughout our whole trip, i only had iced milo. Later on, when we were already in the train on the way to Vivo, he called me. Than i didnt realise i sounded very like what. But really ah, who wouldnt be angry when i came over to surprise him and then he talked to me in that way.I know lah im no one to him already but at least he could have talked more nicely or something since i had the effort to go there. He never appreciated my effort all this time, even when we're together that time but nevermind. At Vivo, he called me again and said he want to meet me after i go Sentosa.. After much time, i said ok. And from that point on, i dunno why everyone was so down. I was down because of what had happened. Jiayu was down because she sees couples wearing couple tees carrying sweet stuff and RM was not there. Haeyoun, i dunno why. What had happened affected me the whole day. Acccompanied with my hungry stomach, there may be sudden times where i would keep quiet then when the others talked to me, i forget how i reply them but it was not very nice. Im such a bad friend.
I really hated yesterday. Halifah can still ask me want to meet or not when i said ok earlier on already. i mean like if he dont want then just say lah! He said he will wait for me at Vivo entrance but later, when i finally felt bad and theres no way to contact him already i went there and looked around but, he was not there. even during im angry, i was still hoping he would come even if it would embarrass me. But i dont think he felt bad at all... And from yesterday when he used that blocked number to call me, till now, i couldnt contact him. He didnt reply my facebook message and he didnt call me.
And the saddest thing of all, if he thinks that the letter i wrote him is pointless after what had happened and he didnt felt touched, that will just lessen the chance of me getting him back. And i dunno why i feel now that everybody is against me, Im on my own now.
All i was hoping for yesterday was, he woke up early, called me, me and Jiayu go meet him after we bought those stuff, i gave him the present, he felt happy, haeyoun came, we went Sentosa, have fun than go home happily. But that did not happen. And seeing those people carrying around flowers/bear/other sweet stuff hurts cause, i didnt get anything on Valentines Day. Ok, if he decides to call me than good. If not......than i dunno :/
- Mood:
depressed
A - Available = No XP
B - Birthday = 3rd August.
C- Crushing on = Halifah Kambali.
D - Drink you had last = Hmmm...Plain water i think.
... E - Easiest person to talk to = I dunno.
F - Favorite song= I like alot of songs (:
G - Grossest memory = Hmmm cant think of one.
H - Hometown = Singapore.
I - In love with = Halifah Kambali.
J - Jealous of = Pretty girls...
K- Killed someone = No but killed animals before :P
L - Longest relationship = With my last ex, Khairul Nizam.
M - Milkshake flavor = Chocolate! :D
N - Number of siblings = Excluding me, 3.
O - One wish = I wish for more wishes!
P - Person who called you last = Halifah Kambali.
Q - Question your always asked= I dunno.
R - Reason to smile = When you smile, you will feel happy (:
S - Song you last sang = Breathless.
T - Time you woke up = Just now, around 9+ or something :X
U - Underwear color = Black XP hahaha!
V - Very best friend (s ) = Jiayu, Liner and more (:
W - Worst habit = Making that stupid noise that i dont even realise im making.
X- first X-ray = 14 December 2011, i think.
Y - Your last time you cried = Just now, in the toilet when im showering.
Z - Zodiac sign= Leo! :D
Ya so again i saw this on facebook and since im bored, i decided to do it (:
Did you break up with anyone? -Haha ya of course :P
Did you meet anyone special? Currently? -yes.Halifah Kambali ♥
Did you fall in love? -Yes (:
... Did you get your heart broken? -Yes
- Friends & enemies
Did you meet any new friends this year? -yup from pesantre kilat 3! :D
Did any of your friendships end? -Yaaa :P
Did you dislike anyone? -I think so :X
Did you make any new enemies? -Yes! His ex XP
Did you resolve any fights? -Yup.Alot of fights :P
Who was your closest friend? -Jiayu Fly ♥
Did you grow apart from anyone? -Yup
Did you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? -I dunno :X
- In 2011, I ...
[X] Fell out of love. (Like 4 times XP)
[X] Cried because i'd been hurt. (Mostly at night :P)
[X] Was disappointed in someone close. (Hmmm yeah)
[X] Hid a secret. (Hid a secret but told someone eventually XP)
[X] Pretended to be happy. (Just to make the other party not worried)
[] Slept under the stars. (Hope can do this one day with my ♥)
[X] Kept your new years resolution. (Inside my diary i guess)
[X] Met someone who changed your life. (Halifah Kambali ♥)
[] Met one of your idols.
[X] Changed your outlook on life.
[X] Sat home all day doing nothing. (Like soo boring only ): )
[X] Pretended to be sick.
[] Almost died.
[X] Given up something important to you. (My mum gave away the leopard toy to my cousin ): )
[X] Lost something expensive. (My handphone :X but got it back after that. My wallet too i think)
[X] Learned something new about yourself. (When im angry,all the things i say is stupid :P )
[X] Tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it. (Going deep into the water :X )
[X] Made a change in your life. (Tried to be even more closer to Allah (: )
[] Found out who your true friends were. (Found them already (: )
[X] Met great people. (At Pesantren kilat 3 especially)
[X] Stayed up til sunrise. (Played the laptop till i totally forget about the time XP HAHAHA!)
[X] Cried over the silliest thing. (Alot of times :P I cry alot! )
[] Was never home on weekends.
[] Got into a car accident.
[X] Had friends who were drifting away from you. (Long time not in contact with them :P)
[X] Had someone close to you die. (My grandmother's sister)
[] Had a high cell phone bill.
[X] Spent most of your money on food. (Especially during the many study sessions i had with Jiayu)
[X] Saw a celebrity. (Shit i forget who)
[X] Gotten sick. (Like who doesnt :P)
[] Liked more than 5 people at the same time.
[] Celebrated Halloween.
[X] Had your heart broken. (Many many times ): )
[X] Had a stalker. (OMG that scary time! That fat guy even waited for me outside my madrasah! XP )
[] Mooned someone. (Whats that? :P)
[X] Went over the minutes on your cell phone. (When im calling my boyfriend ♥)
[X] Come out of the closet. (Played hide and seek and i went to hide in the closet :P)
[X] Done something you've regretted. (Alot of things! )
[X] Painted a picture. (i was bored :P)
[X] Wrote a poem. (But it was not so nice so i gave up ): )
[] Posted a blog on MySpace.
[X] Listened to music you couldn't stand. (Because someone asked me to listen i just listen :P)
[] Went to a sleepover.
[X] Laughed till you cried. (HAHAHA! XP)
[] Laughed till you peed in your pants.
[X] Visited a foreign country. (Malaysia only :P)
[X] Cut in a line of waiting people. (Cause my friend was infront :P)
[X] Told someone you were busy when you weren't. (Oops hahaha! XP)
- Intimate details
What are you thinking about? -Halifah Kambali ♥
Would you get married if you could right now? -Yes! ((:
How did you feel when you woke up today? -Sleepy :P
Are you good at hiding your feelings? -Maybe? :X
If you could change your eye color would you? -I like my eye colour (:
Have you ever had a really big fight with a bestfriend? -Haha ya but long time ago :P
Do you like to have long hair or short hair? -Long hair! :D
Which of your friends do you argue with the most? -I dunno :P
Who was your last text message from? -Halifah Kambali ♥
Who was the last person you rode in a car with? -Havent rode a car for soo long :P but i think family!
Who took your profile picture? -Me! (:
Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth? -Cry over the truth :P
Do you trust people too easily? -I only trust people who can be trusted (:
What’s on your bedroom floor right now? -My bantal pelok :P
Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life? -Yup (: eventhough life may be tough at times.
Last thing you ate? -Bread with kari ayam and ice milo ((:
- Location:at home, on the bed
- Mood:
bored
The year 2011 is a very meaningful year throughout my life. Alot of things happen to me this year. The year is going to end soon like 2 more days left to the beginning of a brand new year. This year is the year i got into a relationship. Yup, all my 4ex-boyfriend and my current one now. I dunno why its like only this year, when im in secondary 4 that i think about getting a boyfriend and dared to really have one. And i realise how ugly i look all the past years that made me change a little this year :P Well my love life started from having a stupid boyfriend which only lasted for 1 week. To having a relationship with two guys at the same time, in total lasting about 2-3months. well i didnt really cared about the date or anything when i stead with them cause they themselves dont even care about it. To having a relationship which was almost 5months long but we separated when a better guy comes by which im in a relationship with right now, 1month+ and still counting.
Well all the broken hearts i got from the previous relationships, it taught me to overcome problems better. Well for every relationship i had, i learnt something. And made me realise that not all guys are jerks just because some break your heart.
My first relationship: Never be with someone who only wants you for your body.
My second and third relationship: Be with a person you love more. And never cheat on your boyfriend or you have to face the consequences.
My fourth relationship: Be patient and never give up easily even if life may be hard for you.
I feel lucky to be with my boyfriend right now! (: Hes so cute, sweet, hardworking, responsible and more.
And this year, is the year i sat for my O level examinations. That exam only comes like once in a lifetime.
And i love the new year next year cause i have someone to celebrate it with, insyallah if nothing happens.
- Location:at home, on the bed
- Mood:
happy
but i know i will be happier with halifah. He makes me angry but i make myself sad for thinking too much about it. but khairul, he hurts me and make me sad through his words. he would keep on bringing up the past and blame me until i cry. then he will be satisfied. such an idiot.
Ok i should not be thinking about khairul anymore if i want my relationship to go well but, halifah is not talking to me now! Why cant he just tell me whats the freaking problem.
Im actually kind of scared to meet him :X although i want to...but his face was really really scary yesterday and the way he talks and all.
so i texted him saying i was at his void deck but he never replied so i thought he must be sleeping. and ya, its true. so i decide to wait. and wait and wait. All the way from 3pm to around 8.30pm. At 8.30pm, he finally texted me asking where i was so i say at the void deck. i was feeling so happy then! (: cause i thought maybe since its so late already why not i send him to work along the way.
Then suddenly he come towards me with that grey shirt, shorts and slippers. His face looks very scary and he never smile at me at all. I smiled and then he ask what was i doing at his void deck, so i say i was waiting for him. then he say he told me not to go out of my house and he tell me to go home. then he walk off so i followed him. he never even turn back or anything and he walked so fast. i felt like crying throughout the whole journey. i felt sad. i felt angry. i felt annoyed.
i came all the way from home and waited for him like an idiot and this is how he treat me. i didnt even manage to give him the chocolate i bought to surprise him because he didnt even want to look at my face or talk to me. then when i take the bus, he texted me to go home straight and that gave me the idea of not going home straight.
so after much thinking, my ex came into my mind. well, whenever we fight, my ex will always pop up in my mind. so i decide to text my ex and ask him if he wants to accompany me. after blah blah blah he said ok, so i was happy again (: i went to pasir ris int to meet him.i reached there around 10pm. its been so long since i see his face and we went to mac to catch up on our old memories. well, not really. he said that single life is much better. and that actually makes me want to cry but later on he admit, time with me was much better XP hahaha! it was great to see him again, all the bad memories between us last time just go away and we only talked about the good times. the sad thing is, time passed by very fast so at 11.30pm, he forced me to go and take the bus.And you know what, till now he cant find another girl because he still loves me. But then, he told me not to love him back and forget about him because it will break my boyfren's heart and its also not good to do so.
Now im soo confused. I love both of them, my boyfriend now and my ex. Thats something that i really have to admit, eventhough it cant happen that way like what Liner once told me, I really dont know what now ):
But i have made a promise to halifah that i wont leave him so i must keep my promise. but the problem is he's like becoming worser and worser. and he dont even care about me! ):
But you know the funny thing is, last time when me and khairul are having problems with our relationship , halifah came in to cheer me up and be there for me. And now, when im having problems with halifah, Khairul comes in :o
- Location:at home, on the bed
- Mood:
confused
Im his girlfriend what so i will go to him for everything, when i want to complain, to let out my anger, to tell my problems to and more. He said that alot of people needed his attention then he give his attention to them but not me, he just dont care about me anymore. But now he's thinking like, wow~ she likes to say this lah, say that lah, complain here lah, complain there lah.... He didnt even notice that i never use smiley face at all when we chat on facebook just now, maybe he just dont even notice, ok nevermind.
And now hes going to sleep already, guess i have to layan myself again...
Im not going to be the happy me anymore. im just going to be normal. i will be the same even when im happy, angry or sad so he wont call me attention seeker again. At least me being normal is better for him rather than seeing me angry or sad...
"i would never leave you.i wont go to any other girl even if she is more beautiful than you.cause you enter my life first.i would only love you.my love for you is not like your ex.i dont care how lame you are or how stupid you are.i love the way you are". --> hopefully its all true ):
"i want to make you my wife.someone who can accompany me.through my whole life.someone who is sincere.n i promise you i will stay with you through your deepest shit" --> i hope that this is still true too. Stay with me through my deepest shit ):
"i dont wanna lose you.i wont make you go to waste.i will try my best to treat you like what every girl deserved to be treated." --> this too, i hope its still true. especially the first sentence. and the middle. and the last. ok, every single thing. ):
- Location:at home, on the sofa
- Mood: depressed
